


Lengthening Shadows

by NanakiBH



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Bittersweet, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 10:43:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2770112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His lies were melting into truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lengthening Shadows

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rainingwhiteroses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainingwhiteroses/gifts).



What luck.

He was a part of their group now.

He could still hardly believe it. This made things so much more convenient for him now. Even if Kaneki had chosen to exclude him from his plans, he would have found a way to keep an eye on him. Although he wasn't the type to accept failure, he knew that it might be difficult to get Kaneki to trust him after everything he'd put him through.

But now he had Kaneki right under his nose, right where he wanted him.

It was most grand. Being around him like this afforded him the time to carefully craft him into the finest meal he could become. Kaneki was already a scrumptious morsel, but there was still potential for him to ripen and become an even more perfect treat. If he hadn't secured this position in his group, he would have been blindly searching for opportunities to snatch him and devour him before anyone else had the chance. It wasn't that he didn't believe in Kaneki's ability to defend himself, but he'd already seen what kind of danger he was capable of falling into. Whenever Kaneki failed to watch his back, he ended up ensnared in a a hungry ghoul's trap.

Yamori may not have been as interested in eating Kaneki as he was, but he had a certain appetite for... other things.

Tsukiyama had no intention of torturing him. In fact, the more he got to know him, the more he wished that Kaneki would willingly lend his body to his fork. He wasn't a cruel person, after all. He just had a highly discerning stomach, and Kaneki happened to have a home on his menu. When possible, he preferred to leave his victims alive. When he sought only a small portion, it would be a waste if he killed them and left the rest of the body to rot. He didn't like the thought of leaving his claim behind for some other pathetic ghoul, but he wasn't a glutton like someone he once knew, either.

When it came to Kaneki, the situation was more complicated. Kaneki didn't have only one ideal part.

His entire body was ideal.

He wanted to eat all of him. He wanted to hold him down and gently slice his throat and drink the blood that spilled from his neck, to cut into the wound and drink up his blood until he lacked the energy for the wound to close on its own. As his consciousness would slowly fade, he wanted to finally remove his limbs one at a time. Kaneki wasn't like anyone else he'd ever had before, so as he cut off each part, he would stroke his hair and talk to him quietly about the things they liked. That way, Kaneki wouldn't die with any resentment towards him in his heart.

It wasn't his fault. He just wished that Kaneki could understand that. It was his nature.

His interest in fine cuisine made him a man among ghouls. Kaneki would be lucky to be devoured by him.

Maybe he would sedate him. It might have an effect on the meat, but...

In any case, he didn't want to cause him more pain than necessary. After coming this far already, Kaneki deserved a little bit more kindness than his regular victims were afforded. Being such a fine specimen, Kaneki deserved the finest.

Though he had a clear mental view of the conclusion, Tsukiyama didn't like to think about the things in between. When he thought about how he would get from point A to point B, it only made it more obvious to him that he wasn't going to be able to reach his perfect ending unless he found a way back onto Kaneki's good side. He wasn't dumb. With the way things were between them, he knew that Kaneki would die hating him no matter how he chose to kill him.

For some reason, he didn't want that.

It made him uncomfortable. He had far too much time to think about this already. It wasn't like him. He was good at being patient, was good at planning and plotting, but he always got what he wanted when he wanted it. It wasn't that easy with Kaneki.

He still needed to shape him.

It wasn't the right time yet. The interim scared him for all kinds of reasons; some that he could name, others that he couldn't. It was those ones that he couldn't put his finger on that worried him the most.

Instead of worrying, he decided to spend his time thinking about what he should do to improve Kaneki's quality. They had yet to plan their first course of action. They knew what Kaneki aimed to achieve, but they hadn't made any plans for how they were going to achieve it. He thought for sure that Kaneki would want to get started as soon as possible, but he was being quiet.

Since he wasn't needed, Tsukiyama didn't have a reason to be at their little clubhouse. When he'd tried to be friendlier towards them, they still looked at him suspiciously, so he realized that it wasn't only Kaneki he needed to work on; he needed the others to trust him if he wanted to be closer to him. At the moment, he didn't even know if Kaneki had been eating. That goal of his wasn't going to achieve itself if he didn't even have the energy to move forward with it.

That goal meant nothing to Tsukiyama. He was going to walk this road alongside him, but he had a different destination in mind. Once they got far enough down that road, once they reached the place where the path divided, he would gently steer him down the one that led to his stomach. Until then, he needed to pretend that they shared the same destination, that they were walking in perfect tandem.

He couldn't afford to let his step falter before then.

There had to be something he could do to perk him up. Stress did horrible things to the body. If he let Kaneki wallow around in the state he was in, he was just going to spoil. Knowing that the others would give him the eye if he arrived with a snack for him, Tsukiyama tried to think of something else he could do for him.

They weren't exactly on the friendliest terms. He couldn't just sit down with him and have a heart to heart without having an excuse first. It was so easy in the beginning, before Kaneki suspected anything.

He bought flowers.

He figured that if Kaneki were cultured enough to appreciate the woven word, then he might have an appreciation for the delicate beauty of a fresh bouquet. Not wanting to overwhelm him with anything too extravagant, he visited the florist nearest to the group's base and left with a modest bouquet of pink daisies under his arm.

When he arrived, he checked himself over first before knocking on the door. He had nothing to worry about. He was a part of this group, so he had every reason to be there, so he didn't even need to feel like he had to come up with an excuse. If they asked, he would say that he was there to see Kaneki because that was the truth. That was all. The thought of eating him wouldn't be far from his mind, but they had nothing to worry about. Even Kaneki would be able to rest easy in his presence. He wouldn't give them a single thing to feel suspicious of.

When the door opened, though, he was greeted by a look from Banjou that said that he didn't have the patience for him and would rather close the door than speak to him. It was a lot to get out of one expression, but he was a very expressive man who had no interest in hiding the way he was feeling. Tsukiyama simply narrowed his eyes and leaned on the doorframe to keep him from closing it.

“Why don't I have my own key?” he asked, making it clear that he had a right to be there. “I should really have my own key.”

“What are you doing here?” Banjou asked, moving ahead to his own question without answering Tsukiyama's first. It was rhetorical anyway, he figured. Didn't matter. He was the one paying for this place, so they had to open the door for him if they wanted to keep a roof over their heads.

Ignoring Banjou for the moment, he moved inside and spread out his arms as he sung a greeting.

No one answered him, though.

Blinking in surprise, he took a look around and realized that Kaneki wasn't sitting in the living room where he expected to find him. The only person occupying the lonely little living room was the young ghoul girl Kaneki was looking after, Hinami. She was sitting on the couch with her knees pulled up to her chin. The television was on, but it was muted, the commercials flashing colorful light over the surface of the coffee table. She wasn't watching it, keeping her eyes trained to the ground, not even looking up to spare him a single glance when he walked into the room.

“Where's Kaneki-kun?” he asked, his hold on the flowers loosening ever so slightly as he succumbed to disappointment.

“He's in his room,” she said, her voice quiet and sad.

Banjou reappeared next to him with his arms crossed over his chest. “That's right. Kaneki is in his room right now and he's not interested in talking to anyone. So, if you couldn't tell, you aren't needed here right now.”

“There's no need for you to be so rude,” Tsukiyama said, offended that Banjou would try to throw him out so soon already.

He wasn't about to leave. Struck by an idea, he went to the couch and sat down on the cushion next to Hinami. Gently, he brought the bouquet closer for her to see.

“Would the little lady feel better if I gave her these flowers?”

Finally, her eyes moved, taking a careful glance at them from the corners of her eyes. He saw them widen, surprised by their bright pink color, and she finally turned around, placing her feet down on the floor. A little bit of life returned to her face when she looked at them, a small smile pinching her cheeks, and it made him hope that Kaneki would have a similar look when he saw them later.

“Are you really giving these to me?” she asked, looking up at him a little suspiciously.

He nodded. “I brought these for Kaneki-kun, but this color suits a gentle lady like you much better, I think.”

“They're beautiful,” she breathed, lifting a hand to lightly touch a soft petal between her fingers. He lifted them up for her and she placed the bouquet in her lap. Taking a couple more quick glances at him as if to be sure, she buried her nose in them and took a deep breath. Sitting back, she sighed, a revived smile on her face. Hugging the flowers to her chest, she looked aside and mumbled, “Th-thank you very much, Tsukiyama-san.”

“It's my pleasure. You had such a dreadful look on your face when I came in. I simply knew that I had to do something to change that.”

As he expected, her eyes darkened when he reminded her of the way he had found her just a moment ago. He didn't enjoy making her look that way, but this was part of his plan. To get her to tell him more about Kaneki, he needed to spend a moment with her first to show her that he was a friend whom she could talk to. Seeing his innocent smile seemed to slowly put her at ease, and she hung her head, letting her eyes fall to the flowers she held in her lap.

“Do you want to tell me what's wrong?” he asked.

Banjou was still standing nearby, looking at him askance. Tsukiyama kept him checked with an unassuming look that was sure to leave him confused for at least a few minutes, giving him enough time to talk to Hinami.

She worried another petal between her fingers, her eyes widening in dismay when she accidentally tore it from the flower. Realizing that there was nothing she could do about it, she held it sadly in her palm.

“He seems different now,” she said. “It's like... It's like his petals have all been torn off. Onii-chan is still onii-chan, but I feel like I don't recognize him anymore. Everything that made him seem so nice before is just...” She closed her fingers around the petal in her palm, sucking in a breath as she looked aside.

Kaneki's distance was hurting her. If Kaneki realized the way that he was making her feel, he would have surely shown her a smile. At the least, he would have pretended. But... Tsukiyama feared that she had a point. That was the Kaneki from before. He had already noticed the change in him when he returned from Aogiri, but he hadn't been around him for long enough yet to see how far that difference ran. The Kaneki from the past wouldn't have been able to stand it if he knew that this girl were suffering because of him, but Tsukiyama didn't know enough about him now to know whether the same could be said.

One thing was for sure. “When a flower loses its petals, they don't grow back.” He watched her nod sadly. “Kaneki-kun isn't a flower, though. He's something much stronger than that. I have the impression that he's the type of person who feels like it's his responsibility to cheer up other people, so what does he do when he's the one in need of comforting? Does he seem like someone who would rely on other people?”

That might have been a question too heavy for a girl her age, but it looked like she silently arrived at the answer.

“Is there anything we can do?” she asked.

A smirk made it to his lips, but he hid it quickly. It sounded like she was willing to think of him as a part of their group. So far, he felt like he was only a member in name, given cold reception by its other members. This was the thread he had been searching for. Now, all he needed to do was lightly give it a tug and everything would unravel the way he'd planned.

“Have you seen him at all yet today?”

“He only comes out of his room if he needs something,” she said. “Even when he does, he doesn't say anything.”

They only just moved into this place. He tried to make things comfortable for them, providing them all the little things they would immediately require, but he knew surprisingly little about the room Kaneki occupied on the floor above them. As far as he knew, Kaneki didn't have anything. He went back to the place where he used to stay and gathered whatever he could carry with him, but that probably wasn't very much. Did he even have enough clothes to last him a week?

Standing, he straightened the front of his suit and turned to regard her. “I have an idea. You can let him know that I was here. If you do, tell him that I'll be back soon.”

Surprised, she sputtered out a little “okay” and awkwardly tried to find a place to put the flowers so that she could get up as well. Placing them on the table in front of her for the moment, she followed him back to the door. Banjou was no more than a few steps behind her, still wary enough to want to keep an eye on him even as he was leaving.

“By the way, you might want to put those flowers in a vase,” he said, giving her one more smile before he saw himself out.

The moment the door closed, the smile slid off his face, his mouth flattening into a line as he thought about where to go from there.

Closed up in that room by himself, Tsukiyama could imagine the way that Kaneki must have felt, yet, after the things he'd gone through, he knew that whatever Kaneki was feeling had to be far more than anything he could imagine. He let out a slow, thoughtful breath as his thoughts turned to a distant memory. It wasn't good to ruminate on the past. If Kaneki let himself stay in that place forever with his wheels spinning, he wasn't going to get anywhere.

From there, he made a quick trip to the used bookstore nearby. He didn't really like buying books that had already been handled by other people, but it was close, and the owner had seen him come in there multiple times already without buying anything. Even if the owner was just some old human, Tsukiyama felt like he owed it to him for some reason; out of respect, maybe. The store may have been filled with only used books, but the man had an eye for quality and only accepted titles of personal value. Though he hadn't purchased anything before then, Tsukiyama liked to wander the aisles and browse through the selection. He enjoyed just seeing what was on the shelf. Knowing that he and this old man shared similar taste, he felt like he could take anything on the shelves as a recommendation.

He found a few books that he read before and chose a few other things that he hadn't read yet. As he headed back to the front of the store, his eyes chanced upon a familiar pair of titles; a short series that reminded him of that dark and lonesome time. Unconsciously, he found his hand reaching out for them. Before he knew what he was doing, they had joined the other books in his arms.

The old man didn't say a word as he handled his purchases, only smiled, silently acknowledging him for the choices he'd made. Tsukiyama hoped that Kaneki would approve of them, too.

 

As soon as he paid, he headed back to the place where they were staying.

Holding the rather heavy bag of books at his side, he knocked and waited. He could hear the muted sound of feet quickly moving across the floor, and the door opened a moment later, Hinami's little face appearing on the other side. Even Banjou couldn't stop her when she had been waiting for him. It was nice to know that there was actually someone who would wait for him, who cared enough to anticipate his return.

It was for Kaneki, he reminded himself. She wouldn't have bothered with him at all if she didn't think he could do something for Kaneki.

Forcing a smile, he held up the bag for her to see.

“These ought to make him feel better,” he said.

She clasped her hands together under her chin, smiling back at him hopefully. He followed after her as she led him up to Kaneki's room. Standing at his side, she waited with her breath held as he knocked on the door and called out Kaneki's name. When no answer came, he looked down at her and quietly asked what she thought he should do. It was too early for Kaneki to be asleep, but there was no telling with the way he had been acting.

“It might be unlocked,” she said.

“You want me to go in without his permission?” he asked, amused by even the suggestion. Barely a second after the words left his mouth, he began to give that suggestion some serious consideration. “How about this,” he said, placing a hand on Hinami's shoulder, leaning a little to put himself on her level, “I'll go in by myself. He probably wouldn't be comfortable with a lot of attention right now.”

Glancing at the hand on her shoulder, she gave it a moment of hesitant thought. It was clear that she wasn't comfortable with leaving him in there alone with Kaneki. Even if he had given her flowers and treated her kindly, she still wasn't an easy girl to fool.

“I'm not going to do anything to him,” he promised. As much as he wanted to, he regretted that what he told her was the truth. He still had firm plans to eat Kaneki, but those plans couldn't be acted upon yet. “If he doesn't want me to be there, then I'll leave. I just want to make him feel better.”

There was no harm in mixing the truth with lies when he could easily form them around a smile. As she stared into his eyes, Tsukiyama saw the moment she took the bait, and he calmly removed his hand from her shoulder and stood up straight.

Looking down to hide her face, she shuffled her feet in place. “The truth is... Really, I miss him. With the way he is right now, I feel lonely. But... But I don't want him to know that. That's probably why it's best if you talked to him instead. Just... Don't tell him I said that.”

She looked up to see him nod, then she ran back to the stairs and disappeared, running away from the words she'd left him with.

She was a sweet girl, but he had no intention of honoring that request. If she really didn't want him to say a thing about the way she felt, then she wouldn't have entrusted her feelings to him.

Taking in a breath of the stale air outside the door, Tsukiyama placed his hand on the door knob. Turning it, feeling no resistance, he slowly pushed it open and allowed himself inside, closing it behind himself. He didn't know how Hinami knew that it would be unlocked. At a glance, she seemed like an easy way to inch himself closer to Kaneki, but he suddenly felt like he needed to be more cautious around her. For someone so young, she was shockingly perceptive.

Kaneki didn't look up to greet him when he entered. Beneath the window on the far side of the room, he sat on the floor with his back against the wall, his legs thrown out in front of himself. Around him, old books lay scattered on the floor; some laying open with pages torn from them, crumpled up into paper balls, others laying askew at odd distances, as if they'd been thrown or dropped without any care for how they'd land.

“Bonjour, Kaneki-kun,” Tsukiyama said.

Patiently, he waited for a reply, but when the space following his greeting grew too large, he gave up on the hope of hearing anything in return.

The way he looked now didn't seem too different from the way that Hinami looked when he first entered their home and found her sitting on the couch, staring listlessly. Kaneki probably knew the way he was making her feel, but if he'd seen her for himself, then Tsukiyama doubted that he would have still been sitting there like that, wasting time while she was suffering because of him. Neither of them had to be acting like this.

His throat tightened suddenly as a thought from the far back of his mind echoed out to him.

They couldn't help this. It wasn't as simple as he wanted it to be.

It was too frustrating for him to think about it further, so he didn't.

“I brought something for you,” he said, raising the hand that held the bag. He hoped that he would at least draw his interest, but Kaneki continued to stare as if he weren't there at all. The lowering evening sun cast a halo over his white hair and a path of warm light stretched before his feet, but everything beneath that light was bathed in shadow. Ever since he entered, Tsukiyama had a terrible feeling. There was nothing for him to compare it to, but an old, invisible scar began to sting as he breathed in the room's undefinable atmosphere. Just as he always did, he looked away from it and ignored it and pretended that it didn't exist.

But when he looked at Kaneki, he felt like he was being forced to confront something. It wasn't his hunger, though that was there as well. For some reason, it was easy to ignore that entirely when he felt that invisible thing crawling up his back.

Feeling like he needed to move, he crossed the room in just a few short strides and stood before him. Looking as though it took him great effort to do so, Kaneki finally tilted his head back and looked up at him.

“Tsukiyama-san,” he said first, raising his hopes, acknowledging his presence, “please leave me alone.”

“I can't leave yet,” Tsukiyama said, not one to be so easily deterred. “I still have to show you what I brought. I hope you don't mind if I take a seat here.”

Kaneki took a glance at the spot on the floor that Tsukiyama was referring to, but he wasn't quick enough to voice a protest before Tsukiyama sat down. If he had anything to say about it at all, he kept it to himself. From that moment, Kaneki decided not to speak and went back to staring at the floor, pretending like Tsukiyama wasn't there. It was a little difficult to talk to someone who treated him that way, but Tsukiyama continued on.

He put the bag between them and pulled out the first book to show him. It was a violent and gritty detective drama, one he hadn't had the chance to read yet. It had been on his list for a while, and, though he was anxious to read it for himself, he told Kaneki that he wouldn't mind if he read it first. He was very curious to know what he thought of it. The second book was one he had already read, but he assumed that it would be something that Kaneki would be interested in, knowing what other books he enjoyed. The third was another one he hadn't read yet. He heard that it was a good one, but he hadn't been sure whether or not he should believe the hype around it until he saw it in that old man's bookstore. Now, he had little doubt that it would be amazing.

The final two... Well, he didn't have much to say about them. Rather, there was a lot he could've said about them, but it was hard to describe what made them such good books to him. On the surface, they were nothing to rave about. The writing was plain. The author was, to that day, still relatively unknown. He doubted that there were even that many people who had read them, but he was among the few, and they had done a lot for him.

He didn't say all of that, though.

By the time he reached those two, he found himself at a loss for words, so he simply placed them on top of the others and left it at that. For a little while after that, he sat with his back resting against the wall and listened to the sound of Kaneki's breathing.

He was really glad that they were able to rescue him.

Though... When he looked at him from the corners of his eyes and gathered the long, dour look on Kaneki's face, he began to question how to define 'rescue'.

By the time they reached him, Kaneki had found enough strength to break himself free. He probably could have escaped from Aogiri without much help at all. None of them needed to risk themselves for him when he was capable of escaping on his own. But the only reason Kaneki had been able to escape was because of what he went through. The Kaneki from Anteiku certainly felt like someone else when compared with the person he was sitting next to now. That Kaneki probably wouldn't have been able to break free. That was the Kaneki they were all used to, so they felt certain that he would need their help.

None of them had known what he'd been turned into.

He used to be gentle and naïve. He was easier to eat then.

All of that was gone now. They hadn't been able to rescue him at all.

And now he was still here like this, shutting himself up in his room with nothing but his own thoughts. As Tsukiyama's eyes drifted over the overturned books, he realized that Kaneki must have been trying to distract himself, but there was probably no way for the words of an old book he'd already read to compete with the fresh, visceral memories that dominated his thoughts.

They took Kaneki away from that place, but he wasn't safe yet.

Tsukiyama hoped that his presence made it hard for him to think. He knew that he always unnerved him, and he hoped that he still made Kaneki feel afraid. It went against his goal, but, if only for the moment, he wanted to unsettle him. He wanted to be the only thing that Kaneki could think about.

Kaneki sighed.

“You aren't leaving,” he said. It wasn't much of a question; more of a suggestion that Tsukiyama should leave unless he wanted to make him mad.

Tsukiyama knew what that tone meant, but he willfully ignored it. “Of course I'm not. I can't just leave you here like this. I came here so we could talk.”

“I thought you came here to give me books.”

“No 'grazie'?” he asked, tilting his head to the side with a playful smirk. Seeing Kaneki's unchanging expression made him feel a little mad inside. He was putting forth all of this effort for him, went out of his way, but he wasn't responding to it at all. The edges of the smile he'd tacked onto his face began to grow unsteady, threatening to give away the way he really felt. At the least, he wished that Kaneki would stop trying to hide his feelings from him. Even if it was hypocritical, he hated dishonesty.

“She's worried about you, you know,” Tsukiyama said, watching him carefully. It felt liberating to drop the act. He wanted to shoot straight through to his heart and burst apart the cold wall that was shielding it. It was cruel to mention Hinami's feelings already, but she had placed those words like bullets into his hands for this purpose

The effect was immediate. It was slow, but Tsukiyama saw the way it made Kaneki's eyes widen slightly, and he leaned forward to follow him as he tried to turn away.

“Are you going to tell me that you can stay in here like this while you know that she's unhappy? I don't want you to feel guilty about anything, but I have to say that I'm surprised. I wouldn't have expected you to act this way. It's selfish,” he said, feeling somewhat victorious when he saw Kaneki's shoulders stiffen. “It's not like you. Hinami told me the same thing earlier. She said you're acting like a different person.”

Silence followed, but he waited, feeling the weight of an answer laying almost tangibly in the space between them.

Kaneki relaxed, releasing the tension from his body. Drawing his knees up to his chest, he wrapped his arms around his legs and placed his chin on his knees. Still, he didn't meet his eyes, keeping them forward, staring at the door as if the presence of an exit were the only thing to ease him.

“After something like that...” His words trailed off, and he stopped to think, trying to find the right way to voice the things he had in his head. How much Tsukiyama wished he could open him up and read him like a book. He wished that he could see what all of his thoughts looked like before they were filtered through his lips. The look he had, so complicated and unpleasant, felt like it said more than words could've conveyed, but Kaneki still tried, digging fearlessly into himself to pull out the things that might make him understand.

Before taking another breath, Kaneki closed his eyes, turned to him, and opened them for him to see the red, bloodshot rings surrounding the black inside them.

“Do you think you would still be the same person after something like that?”

Like what, Tsukiyama didn't know. He hadn't heard the full details of what happened to him in that place. Banjou had been there to witness it with his own eyes, and it made Tsukiyama feel envious to know that he had experienced a part of Kaneki that he hadn't seen. It was impossible to feel the exact things felt by another person, but he found himself wishing that he could understand Kaneki on a one-to-one level. This body that he would consume – like an engaging novel, he wanted to know every page of it.

When he looked into Kaneki's eyes at that moment, he saw what Kaneki was trying to show him. Simultaneously, he felt excited and something else; something that erased any preceding excitement he felt upon glimpsing a hidden piece of him.

“Yeah...” Kaneki said quietly, like he was muttering Tsukiyama's answer for him. “Some things just change you.”

One of Tsukiyama's hands unconsciously grasped one of the old books on top of the stack between them. At one point in time, that may have been enough to solve his problems, but now their pretty and innocent words couldn't protect him from the raw truth of real life; the pain of Kaneki's experience, the things Tsukiyama felt in his own chest when he saw that pain in his eyes.

Those books were meant to serve one purpose – to endear him, to lower Kaneki's guard, to ultimately make him easier to eat again – but his effort had been worthless. It made him mad. It frustrated him. He was afraid, knowing that there was something that couldn't be fixed by a few hundred pages and a cup of coffee.

More startling was his disappointment. He didn't know why he felt so disappointed by his inability to help him, but he wasn't ready to give up yet.

Kaneki was going to be his, he reminded himself, reaffirming his purpose.

Leaning in close, he gave Kaneki's shoulder a sniff. Kaneki flinched, but Tsukiyama didn't intend to get any closer at the moment. That one breath of his scent had told him what he wanted to know. It reassured him.

Closing his eyes, he nodded with certainty, then turned to face him.

“You still smell like the same Kaneki to me.”

Kaneki's brows twisted, confused. “Really? Is that all it takes? Am I still the same person to you as long as I smell the same?” Sighing, he shook his head and put his chin back on his knees. “I guess you wouldn't understand. You probably don't even have any friends.”

It seemed that Kaneki thought they needed to be close to understand each other. Tsukiyama wished that it could be that easy. If that was all it would take to make Kaneki return to his old self, then Hinami would have been able to solve everything before he even showed up. Moreover...

“I do,” he said, scratching his cheek. “I have someone I've been friends with since high school.”

He was glad to see Kaneki showing more emotion, but he really didn't need to look so surprised about that. Was it really so shocking that he would have a friend?

“Sorry,” Kaneki said when he realized the way he sounded. “I just... No offense – I just can't imagine what kind of guy would be friends with someone like you.”

How was he not supposed to take offense to that? No matter. He wasn't going to take that jab to heart. It seemed like he was doing better now. “'She', actually,” he corrected him, amused when Kaneki's eyes went wider. “If that surprises you, then I bet you'll be even more surprised to know that she's a human.”

Just as he thought, Kaneki looked at him like he'd grown another head. “ _You_ are friends with a human? Are you paying her to be your friend? There has to be bribery involved here. No, wait – how have you not eaten her yet?”

Tsukiyama shrugged. The thought of eating that scrawny little mouse was thoroughly unpleasant on its own. He couldn't imagine taking a bite out of her for real. “She didn't fit the menu's standards,” he explained. “Granted... I do have to buy her things occasionally, but I don't think we have the sort of relationship it sounds like you're expecting. If I have to do any serious bribing, it's because she's trying to blackmail me.”

“I'm not sure this person sounds like a friend, Tsukiyama-san...”

Tsukiyama paused for a moment, giving that some honest thought.

“...No,” he concluded, “I think we're friends. I think she would do favors for me now even if I didn't bribe her with parfaits.”

That gave him an idea. It was a somewhat dangerous idea, though.

He looked at Kaneki who was still looking at him. It was hard to say what he was thinking, but Tsukiyama hoped that he believed him. He never thought of himself as a person who needed other people, but, when it came down to it, he knew that he would feel like something was missing if Chie ever vanished. Even when they spent long lengths of time not speaking to each other, there was something nice about knowing that he had someone who he could rely on. He hoped that Kaneki felt that.

He didn't want him to think that he was some kind of cold, unfeeling monster who couldn't relate to him.

After all, gaining his trust was the first step towards eating him...

“Tu vois... Kaneki-kun, say... If you find that man who did this to you – that doctor... What do you plan to do?”

Kaneki sighed heavily through his nose. “I don't know. You'd think I would know after spending all day thinking about it, but I just don't know. I want to know why he did this to me. I want to see the look on his face when he realizes that I'm even alive. I want to know what he was expecting when he put Rize's parts in me, but... I get the feeling that it won't matter. No matter what he says, I'm probably not going to like his answer. I don't think there would be any good excuse for what he did to me.”

Tsukiyama hummed understandingly. “But what then? Would you kill him?”

“Probably,” Kaneki said. “No matter how many times I envisioned the scene in my head, I couldn't imagine an ending where I let him live.”

That was what Tsukiyama was afraid of. For him, personally, that sort of revenge would have been enough to satisfy him, but Kaneki was a different kind of person. He cared about what people thought. That was why he put priority on finding out the reason _why_ the doctor did what he did. Tsukiyama wasn't so sure that killing him would be the thing to solve Kaneki's problems.

He wished that he could think of another way. He'd already tried the things he could think of and realized that books and flowers could only solve superficial problems. Kaneki's eyes were wide open to reality. There was no way for him to ignore it now. What he needed wasn't a distraction.

He needed the truth.

Tsukiyama knew that he might regret this, but he wanted to hurry up and return Kaneki to his former self before he lost any more flavor.

“That friend of mine is a photographer – not your average kind, either. She's really good at sneaking around and she knows how to use her innocent looks to fool people into giving her information. If you want, I can give her a call. I think she might be able to help you find him.”

Kaneki's lips parted slightly, but something stopped him before he could get the words out. It seemed like he found his own response so unexpected that it took him a moment to accept it.

“Thank... you, Tsukiyama-san,” he said slowly.

“It's no problem. You know you can rely on me. I'll do everything I can for you.” He wouldn't remind him of all of the times he'd deceived him. By the look on Kaneki's face, he could tell that he hadn't forgotten.

They dipped into silence again, but the uneasy tension from before had dissipated. The room was getting darker, the reddish orange squares of light from the window becoming deeper with each passing minute. Sitting near the window, Tsukiyama felt a slight chill, but it didn't bother him when he felt Kaneki's warmth so close to him. Somehow, he spent that whole time thinking so deeply about a way to change Kaneki's mood that he hadn't even noticed the fact that he was sitting _that_ close to him. He suddenly found himself wishing that he could lean in and get a nice big smell of him without making it too obvious.

When Kaneki moved, Tsukiyama whipped his head around to face forward and pretended to be thinking only innocent thoughts. He certainly hadn't been thinking about the wonderful taste that would accompany that brilliant scent.

But when he noticed what Kaneki was doing, it became hard again for him to focus on the things he thought he was supposed to focus on.

Kaneki had picked up the book that was on the top of the stack. After reading the inside cover, he began flipping through it. A cold, nervous sweat broke out over the back of Tsukiyama's neck, suddenly feeling very conscious of what Kaneki would think of it. It was a very important book to him when he was younger, but it was probably too immature for anyone their age now. Regardless of what that old man at the bookstore thought, regardless of his own feelings about it, he cared more about Kaneki's thoughts.

He wasn't quite sure why that was.

After a moment, Kaneki's hands stopped turning the pages. Tsukiyama thought he might've stopped to read the page he stopped on, but his gaze appeared too firm and unmoving to be reading any of the words. He jumped when Kaneki closed the book.

“I haven't read this one before,” he said softly. “Thank you, Tsukiyama-san.”

That 'thank you' sounded a lot different from the last one. It made Tsukiyama forget how to breathe for a second. When he remembered, he nodded and mumbled a few things, trying to brush it off as no big deal. “It's nothing, really. It was my pleasure.”

That was the truth, he felt. He hadn't realized how much he would enjoy this part of the chase. It made him happy to see Kaneki responding so positively to his efforts. A part of him really wanted to push him down and take a bite from him while he was still at his weakest and most vulnerable, but he didn't want to get ahead of himself. He was feeling a little tired anyway, and it felt nice to enjoy the quiet while sitting next to someone who appreciated the same things as him.

Kaneki glanced at him, visibly hesitating, then did the unexpected, scooting closer to lightly lean his head against his shoulder.

Once he got over the initial shock, Tsukiyama smirked to himself. Kaneki must have realized that he could get away with anything he wanted. Tsukiyama had no doubt that he would be punished if he spoke a word of what happened in this room to anyone.

“I think I still need a few minutes, if that's okay,” Kaneki said.

“That's quite alright. I'm not going anywhere. This is where I belong now; right by your side.”

Kaneki snorted. It sounded like a laugh, but it was hard to see what his face looked like when he had his head against his shoulder.

Like that, they fell back into a companionable silence. As Kaneki opened the book and found the first page to begin reading, Tsukiyama secretly stole a look over his shoulder to read along with him. For a second, he thought about the offer he made him and worried that he would regret it. Though, as his eyes revisited the familiar words on the page, he found it easier to forget about the things that were too difficult to think about.


End file.
